The 'Alien' Inside Me.

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

How should I start this?

This post is gonna be super long in which I'll divide it into three parts; the checkup, the pre-surgery and the post-surgery. I am going to share the pictures of my fibroid and don't freak out. So don't scroll till the end if you don't feel like watching. Kena bagi warning awal2.

The Checkup:

Ever since high school, I think ever since I enrolled into boarding school my period went abnormal. I was those girl who read the "Seksyen Sakit Perempuan" columns in weekend newspaper. You would know if you happened to read those columns as well. I read about on how normal my period was. Like is it normal to have long periods and stuff. The common answer was it's normal. But they would advise you to seek for specialist advise as well. I was just a teenager. And I don't have anyone who's having the same issue like me that time. 

Sometimes, due to this I kept on having this nasty thoughts of having abnormal period. Tau lah kalau google symptom, sure semua kata mati. Well, I couldn't help but to link it to my super high level of stress. Apart from my not so good eating routine. 

So how did I get myself a checkup? What makes me want to do a check up?

It was the friends, I mean they kept on asking me to do the checkup. For your information, my haemoglobin was super low. You can refer to this post. So from that incident and the cungap cungap incident in Angkor Wat, I decided to go for a checkup (Mind you it was already one year after the incident). 

The period flow went ultimately worst when I started working. I felt like my period macam air. You know that feeling bila you sat for awhile, and the moment you got up; the Niagara Falls. It was disastrous. There are few months that I got MC for period pain. Well, it's not really a period pain. It was just a heavy-flow-period-I-cannot-stand-to-handle-it-at-the-office thing. Cause I would be going to the toilet for God knows how many times a day. It was super tiring. 

Farah helped me to get an appointment with a doctor, who attended her mom. FYI, her mom had the same issue like me. Low haemoglobin. So I had few appointments with the doctor, Dr Rahman; we did few tests until he decided to refer to O&G department. Being a hospital noob, I asked Farah to teman me during the first appointment. For the next appointments, I asked Diba to teman me. Yups, I was doing this behind my parents' back. 

Fast forward, one fine day on October; it was my first appointment with my gynae doctor, Dr Azhana. We talked about my period flows and such. So she said, "Jom kita scan." I was caught off guard, cause to be honest I was not ready for any possibilities yet I didn't think of anything bad. When she applied the gel, hurm I was not sure what it's called though. Gel tuh sejuk mak aih, geli geli sikit.

So she started to roll on the thing on my body, specifically towards my bottom? How was it? Well, I was embarassed to begin with but it's for my own sake. So dia dah jadi redha habis.

It was fully visible when she first scanned. "Oh fibroid. Besar nih dek." That's what doctor first said. Saya tergamam. Actually I had no idea what fibroid was. But I knew it was not good. She rolled it back and forth to check the size of the fibroid. It was big. Really big. It consumed the whole part of my uterus. And because it was too big, it pressed on the bladder. Doctor asked, "Cepat rasa nak kencing kan?" I nodded. It made sense now. These days, I could hardly hold my bladder. If I feel to pee, I need to pee right away. The scale of the fibroid was 6X7 in cm. Hurm, again that sounded really not good.

I was shocked. Really. Terpempan. Tergamam. I was like, how on earth am I gonna tell mama and ayah? I've been keeping this from them cause I thought nothing bad would happen. I had this long pause. I was unable to utter a word. I was blank. It's like someone just dropped a bomb right in front of you. Speechless.

The doctor asked me to come again with my parents, since I am not married. Oh no. It's like a dead end for me; nak tak nak kena bagitau the parents jugak.

I thought of many ways on how to tell this big news to the parents. It took me long enough to tell the parents about it. I couldn't remember but I broke down when I told them about it. It was sad. I felt horrible that I actually had something to burden them more. I felt so bad.

Before I even told my parents, I seek for my friends' consultations. The doctors. Oh well, kena bebel sikit. LOLX

I always love October. Cause it's my birthday month. But so much happened. So much sorrow. That's why October 2016 was the worst birthday month ever. I despised everything that happened on that month. It was really bad.

The Pre-Surgery:

Then next appointments; I was accompanied by the parents, for months. For the passed few months, I was taking several injections to stop my hormone; in a simpler term, menopause but not entirely menopause. The period still came but only a day in a month and sikit. For the first time in my whole life after I've gotten my period, I felt so relieved that it came out sikit. It was relaxing. 

To proceed with the operation, the doctor wanted my haemoglobin to be over 10. Early this month, my haemoglobin was just 9.3. Still not enough for the surgery. So the doctor suggested another injection, to increase the iron faster. Since the iron tablets worked kinda slow for me. 

So I took the injection on 6 March 2017 and she scheduled the operation a week after which was on 14 March 2017 around 11AM. I was mentally prepared for months ago when I first told about it, but when it got really scheduled I was horrified. This is real man!

I've informed my Team Leader that I would be away from work. That was when she told me, she had the same experience. You know you got a little excited when you found someone who actually had the same problem like you. You felt like you're not alone in this world. All along, I felt abnormal for having this abnormal menstrual cycle. You got jealous with those who had easy normal cycle. What you think normal was abnormal for most female.

Later that noon, one of my consultant came to my place. He looked at me, "No wonder you selalu pucat." I just told my TL this morning and my consultant dah tau? Bapak cepat dowh! But I was touch by his concern. And he was told by another consultant. LOLS. Time tuh rasa macam satu office dah tau bhai.

Anyways back to my story, I didn't know what to expect. Like what to prepare, what to be done? Cause I never went into a surgery before, so I was a little bit clueless. So I consulted a few friends who had been into surgeries. To be honest, I was scared. Tipulah tak takut oii.

I had an appointment with the doctor early that Monday morning. My haemoglobin was 10.3. Alhamdulillah. The doctor then explained the procedures and the complications that might happen. Cause the size of the fibroid might be different. It might be bigger or there might be few smaller fibroid elsewhere. I asked the doctor, "nanti kena bius separuh atau full?" She answered, for less risk; separuh. I gulped. I was finally admitted for the operation later that evening. And I survived my first night in the hospital.

D-Day:

I was told to fast starting from 12AM. Early that morning before Suboh I think, a nurse came up with a shaver. I was really blank. Like what? So yeah, I am clean down below baby! Akak taktau lah nak rasa apa tapi lahai memang akak buat bodo jela! I had my shower and get myself ready for the operation. A nurse came to give me the operation gown in which I had no idea how to pakai. KAHKAHKAH. The ropes were rather confusing but we managed. The nurse said that someone would pick me up around 10.30AM but no one showed up when it's almost half passed 11. So I was a bit anxious. Yela, dia macam resah gelisah, eh tak jadi ke operation nih? You know that kind of feeling. But then 2 nurses came to get me. I think we're running late so we just transported me using my bed. Oh yeah.

I was laying on my bed, watching the brightness of the lights; one to another. Macam scene dalam movie/drama, you would see only the ceiling; the white lights. We got into the patient's lift. Big enough to fit the bed. My eyes were roaming around the area. I saw Labour Room, ICU and finally Operation Theather. I could feel my heart beat very fast. It was silent. I felt very lonely. The room was cold. I kept on reciting any surah that I could remember.

They moved me into the common area in the OT. Macam outpatient area dalam ER. They tried to cari my nerve for the IV drip tapi macam susah pulak tak jumpa2. So I thought maybe I was hella nervous. I tried to calm myself a little bit. Somehow they got it then. My doctor finally came, asking me how was I and everything. That was when I terus mengucap. Cause I was afraid I might be too nervous that I might forget how to mengucap.

After few moments, they transferred me into the real OT. I think that was it. I mean, yeah. I was asked to sit on the operating table. Someone was doing something with my right side while someone else is putting something into my IV drip. That was the last thing I could remember. When I woke up, I was laying on the operating table and the lights were super bright. I tried to register on what is going on around me, I listened to their conversation but it was like an alien language to me. I could not understand a thing. My body was numb. I tried to lift my hand up, but I could not. I kept on looking, searching but I was so mamai. I didn't know what was I looking for.

I woke up again and I was already in my room. I could hear on my left, the nurse was trying to wake me up. While on my right, it was my dad. He was like, "Kak, bangun. Kak, bangun." But sorry not sorry, I didn't know why but I couldn't get up. So I teruskan tidur.

The Post-Surgery:

It was almost 6AM when a nurse came to wake me up to help me wash myself. I freaked out cause I couldn't get up. My abdomen tightened and it felt so stiff. It was painful that I gave up to get up. Not until the nurse said this to me, "Orang beranak pon boleh bangun, takkan you tak boleh. You sendiri kena cuba bangun." It's like a sting to my ear. Seriously, that was not the first thing you wanna hear when you just got up. I felt like crying. I felt helpless. I really had no idea what to do. It was hurt; what the nurse said. Yet she's saying the truth.

Since I was not able to get up, she 'helped' to wash myself. I never saw her after that. I was praying hard that I won't encounter her after that. God has granted my doa. Anyhow, after the encounter with that nurse, I tried so hard to get up with/without my mom's help. In my mind, I could get up. But physically I failed. But you need to stay positive. For yourself and the people around you. You're gonna feel that was the lowest point in your life; you're like completely hopeless. But you need to strong, no matter what! Cause no one can help you better other than yourself. Oh and you would be in foul mood in most of the time; again I try not to be as nasty as I could be.

I asked my mom what happened after the operation. She said, they brought me back to the room around 3PM. After that the nurse kept on monitoring my pressure. At one point, my mom said my pressure dropped really low. She even said, I teared up during my sleep. I wonder what actually happened during that time.

Alhamdulillah my surgery went well. Doctor said, that's the only fibroid found. However, it was way bigger than my uterus. Dah masuk sikit dekat cavity, so chances for me to do normal delivery if I get  pregnant in future is quite tipis. My rahim sudah tak kuat, as what doctor had informed me before the surgery on the complications. Oh well. Yeah, I did cry. Saya redha. Sure ada hikmah di sebalik semuanya.

Here's a thing. After the operation I was about to pee, but you know I couldn't get up. But I peed anyway. I thought I was wearing a diaper. Cause I didn't wet my bed. You know, confident habis. So later the nurse came, she wanted to change my urine bag. O H M Y G O D. N O  W A Y! Yeah. It wasn't the diaper, it's the urine tube. KAHKAHKAHKAH. Okay. I wasn't feeling the tube was inside me up until I knew I had it inside. Like WHAT?! I was horrified. Totally.

That moment when the doctor first checked on me after the surgery, she instructed the nurse to take off the tube. I was like OMG NO. NO NO. Hurm NO! One because I still couldn't get up, Two OMG giler sure sakit bhai! AAAAA. So after the doctor left, the nurse datang balik with the equipments. So she was like, "Hmm sakit sikit ye." Sumpah taktau nak fikir apa. I was like, Wei tak boleh bius ke? Bius lah please! So that's it. She pulled it out. How was it? You really wanna know? Mula tak rasa pa, then geli sikit then cam err sakit sikit. End.

Doctor would come to check on me after her clinical. So she would see me once a day. Supposedly I could be discharged on Thursday but doctor held me one more day because of my unstable temperature. Kejap demam kejap OK. Oh well. So finally I was finally discharged on 17 March 2017 (Friday). If you are wondering, I am using my company's insurance to cover everything. Hopefully they would cover everything.

So now I am finally home. Home sweet home.

The cause:

As per what doctor told me when we asked for the causes; there is no definite cause. She told me that my hormone are extra active. Kira macam hyper active. And banyak yang hyper active. Itu lah terjadinya gumpalan fibroid.

The prevention:

There are two situation here: If you happen to have fibroid but it doesn't affect anything, doctor won't ask you to remove it. Like my case, it affected my cycle; hence it's better to remove it.

To be honest, I am pretty clueless on the prevention. I forgot if I ever ask the doctor on this. Eat less fast food, I think?

The Shout Out:

I am truly sorry that I didn't really tell people about this. Cause I don't feel good to actually tell people, "Hey guys, hurm I have something. hurm fibroid?" It's like, nahhhh. I didn't have to. But again, sorry bukan sengaja tak bagitau. Just buat apa nak bagitau benda tak menarik kan? Semua orang ada benda lagi penting nak fikir. Takkan nak serabut lagi with my issue. Anyhow, I am super thankful for the doa. Thank you so much. And to those who visited, thank you. 

Note: I think I have missed something. Tapi biarlah. Dah quite detail dah post nih. Kahkahkahkah. Elizabeth Tan's Tabah is on repeat ever since.