Unsmile

السلام عليكم,

I think too much.

Overthinking as they say.

I can't help it. I want to stop so badly but I don't know how.

Up until I've had it enough.

Can I stop thinking they are so many others that are more unfortunate than I am? That I have to be grateful.

I am grateful but at times you're having these nasty thoughts and people keep saying to you like hey yours is not as bad as others.

Screw them. I am tired. Emotionally tired.

I am tired of patting my own back every time I had a hard time.

I am tired of telling myself that every thing will be fine in time.

Cause it is never okay.

Like now, I am feeling a burning sensation in my mind. It feels like my mind or is it my brain is about to explode.

And my hair is starting to fall very bad. Like super bad. (Google said it's either I'm stress or hormonal imbalance)

And the fact that I think I am faking my smile.

It's hard for me to smile these days.

I am frowning more than usual these days.

It feels empty and quiet around me but in my mind it's super hard core metal music playing around. 

Funny how when I tried to Google "Why do I feel like pushing people away?" and that suicidal/depression hotline showed up in no1. Even Naz advised me to call up the hotline if I ever feeling down.

Am I sick? Am I that transparent now?

This thing will eventually go away right?

It's not the first time I am feeling this way, it just that this time around it looks super bad.

Shutting down.

Take a deep breath

Until both sides of your heart get numb

Until it hurts a little

Let out your breath even more

Until you feel

Like there’s nothing left inside

It’s alright if you run out of breath

No one will blame you

It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes

Because anyone can do so

Although comforting by saying it’s alright

Are just words

Crushed.

السلام عليكم,

Parents are finally back alhamdulillah.

Instagram has been de-activated.

Maybe just for a short while. Or maybe a little bit longer? Might be forever.

Still a mess though. My mind is.

I don't have an answer to why is it so messed up.

As if everything cluttered everywhere inside my mind.

I don't feel like talking about it.

I don't know what's up as well.

I just want to stay away from every one.

It kinda give me peace that I've been wanting.

I feel like I've always been clingy and in need of others' attention.

I should stop... cause you are all alone after all.

p/s: Thank you for reaching out but you won't be getting any replies. You know who you are. I'm sorry and thank you.

Jalan Jalan Singapore: The Capsule Hostel

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

Hi I am such a mess right now. Basically not in my right mind right now. Oh well. This blog post might be long. Super long. Or it's not. Oh Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha everyone. It's weird cause this is the first time celebrating raya with only Naqib's around. The parents are miles away performing their Hajj.

Okay... I had my company's Family Day in Desaru Coast last two weekend; the last weekend of July to be precise. After they announced that the new King coronation day would be on the 30th which was on Tuesday after the weekend, so something hit me up that it would be nice if we go to Singapore after the Family Day.

So I recruited some interested people to go with me. It was crazy enough to have this last minute trip as I was quite busy to even do the simple itinerary. Oh well. So much to think about; like where do we stay either in JB or SG? It would be so much hassle if we stay in JB but it's cheaper that way. It would be so much convenient to stay in SG but we need to fork a little bit of our money.

So we decided to stay in SG. I roamed in Agoda/Booking to check out any cheap accommodations. Hotels were being ticked off from my list as we couldn't afford to stay there lol. We had a very tight budget. So what came across our minds; Capsule hostel! To be honest, I always wanted to stay in a Capsule hostel but you know I don't do hostel. Cause the idea of sharing the bathroom is a little bit crazy for me.

So I did some checking and I found this Capsule hostel named 'Met A Space Pod @ Arab Street'. The location is fantastic!

Days before we're leaving for our Family Day/Singapore trip, I finally got the time to do our itinerary there. So I just learnt that the capsule would be mixed dorm. And the sharing bathroom would be unisex. *insertnervouslaugh* It's funny, no it's not. I had no idea why was I not aware of the dorm situation? I was way into the spaceship interior of the capsule rather than focusing on the dorm situation. I guess, we have to bear the mixed environment for two nights.

Well this is certainly not a paid review, I want to post this up as I want to remember that I had tried the Capsule hostel once in my life. YOLO. lol

I want to skip to the hostel right away but I guess I want to tell you our struggles to get into SG. HAHAHA. Yeah, 'struggles'. We went into SG via land vehicle; bus. Bella dropped us in JB Sentral. Never been there in my entire life. Last time I went into SG was via air plane. Way easier though. Anyways, as we're asking for adventures... Here we go.

Bella said now we have to purchase the bus ticket in the bus. So we had to pass the immigration and what not. The queue was madness guys. It was insane. I had no idea where we queued but we managed to get into lines. And we're queue-ing for that Auto-Gate machine. I always had this trust issues with that freaking machine, as my finger print's always not working well sigh. So I prayed hard that there won't be an issue there.

We got through. YEAY! As we passed that Malaysian immigration, there were two gates; well I call it gates; A and B. The heck, we didn't know which one is the correct but I remembered reading in a blog saying that just follow the one that has more people going down. LOL. How accurate. We did follow though. And we're 'clever' enough to climb up again cause we thought we made a mistake. Guess what, we went down at the Gate A again. Initially we were freaked out cause damn guys, the queue was no joke! 

The queue to the bus from JB to SG

We joined the queue. I think we queued for an hour and half? We made through into the bus #170. From JB to Queen Street was RM2.60. That was the amount that the bus driver charged us per pax. It was cheap. I thought it would be slightly higher. The journey was short from JB Sentral to SG's CIQ in Woodlands. We walked to the CIQ building; Please keep your bus ticket cause you won't be using the same bus afterwards.

Situation inside the bus.

We walked into the building, almost queue-ing then we thought of filling in the infamous white card. Yes, please fill in the White Card guys. And like the others said, bring your own pen. So we got our cards filled in and we queued again. The immigration lady was quite tough. Oh well. Alhamdulillah we're now in SG safely. We thought...

We walked to the bus waiting area. The hell guys. The queue was even toxic here. We didn't even see the end of the queue. Madness! We were extremely exhausted. Like super intense. And there were so many stupid morons who tried to cut lines! Our legs were trembling. I guess we're still tired from our Family Day. We're queue-ing right beside the main lift. It's like the lift was playing with our mind and we decided to give up our line there. Screw the bus.

Queue-ing for the bus from SG CIQ to Queen St.

We took the lift as we decided to take a cab instead. Yup, we took a cab to our hostel. Easy peasy.

We were grateful that the taxi line was not that long and the taxi availability was good. We got our cab; extremely happy that finally we got to sit in a nice seat. We were drenched in sweats, I felt sorry for the taxi uncle for that though. Anyhow, the taxi uncle was SUPER nice! Forgot to ask his name but he was way too friendly as he lived in Malaysia 20 years back. A Singaporean working in KL back then until he said Malaysian gov asked them to some sort leave the country. He loved Malaysia though. 

He dropped us at Arab Street as our hostel was really easy to find. We checked-in; the check-in counter was really small though. Well what do you expect; it's just a hostel not a 5 star hotel. So the lady explained the do's and don's there; she explained how to use the pod as well. We're given the key card as well as the remote control of our TVs. Weird.

I didn't snap much photos inside. We recorded videos. Stupid videos of me. Should I update here? LOL.

To my surprise, the pod is nice. I mean, it's big enough for me. I didn't have that claustrophobic attack or what not. I survived. It just that I got the above pod, so it was not really convenient for me. Once I got into my pod at night, I didn't want to go out. Malas.

I remembered meeting my pod neighbour when we were back from our visit to Marina Bay Sand on the first night. I was pretty much sure he's a Malay guy. I bet he was very startled upon seeing me in my pod. His face was like, "wth are you here?" As if, me in hijab is not allowed in a mixed dorm. That was his look. I even said hi but I got nothing in return. Oh well, I was just being nice okay dude.

I survived the first night up until 4-ish in the freaking morning. My capsule neighbour was making noises as if he was cooking inside his pod. Like dude seriously?! I couldn't sleep back. To be honest, I freaked out the idea of using the bathroom. So many random thoughts came into my mind that morning. So I decided to shower at 5 AM in the morning. Fully covered and I had myself running into the shower. I bumped into the capsule neighbour in the bathroom as he was doing stuff in front of the mirror. Whatever dude I'm running here. HAHAHA. Freak.

You know when you're in hostel, especially now in a mixed dorm/toilet I couldn't help but to feel very highly uneasy. Your eyes roamed everywhere as you showered. You checked on every possible weird points lol. I showered quite long because of that un-easiness. Screw people if they're queue-ing.  But who in their right mind wanted to shower at 5AM sis? HAHAHA okbye.

I survived my morning shower. I slept afterwards. LOL. Later that day we spent almost a day in USS. The highlight of our trip. USS was sad though.

Hello USS. It was scorching hot guys!

We got back from USS with the idea of chilling down in our capsule before going out again later than night. To lepak at the super nice looking minimalist coffee shop below our hostel. To our surprise when we got back to our dorm, there was a guy standing at the common area in our dorm. Not being judgemental but we did; he was looking oddly weird. I didn't know how to describe him but we felt scared? Seriously. Okay he looked like 'Heimdall' from Thor? So mysteriously scary? I'm not saying he's bad or what but he gave you chills and it's not fine. 

We went out later that night to find him going out the same time as well. But now with something extra odd. He brought a stick. I am still having chills writing this. Sigh. 

To our disappointment, the coffee shop closed super early. Like SUPER EARLY! We hung out at Haji Lane, there's a cafe with some interesting quizzes served on the table. Not long after, we went back to the hostel. I guess, we're too tired already. Jannati said, let's go shower together that night. But I couldn't wait so I showered alone.

Anyhow, we survived our two nights there. It was a total fun experience, regardless. We checked out early as we wanted to get off from SG quite early as we wanted to hit the road early. Alhamdulillah we got back to JB safe and sound.

So what's my take for this capsule thinggy? Well, as for the location it was superb. It's located right in front of the Sultan Mosque. The nearest MRT is Bugis MRT; you'll have to walk a bit but not that far. Haji Lane is around that area as well. If you want to chill at night, there are few couple of bars/pubs/cafes with live bands along the Haji Lane. But it's just the mixed dorm, so try look for somewhere that offers female dorms. I came across one I think that day. So it is searchable. No worries. You preferences. I would highly recommend this hostel but I won't repeat. LOL. Not a mixed dorm again. Penat lah nak berjaga jaga all the time lol.

The front of our hostel.

Kasi chance lah feeling2 dekat Haji Lane.

How ready am I to settle down?

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

Time flies so fast that I am actually about to become 29 years old. And it is the fastest January in my whole time being alive. Tomorrow is February 1st.

To be honest, I am so grateful that my parents never ask me about my love life. If our relatives or their friends ask when are they going to get a menantu, they will simply say "Taktaulah, Nadia nak travel dulu." And to me, they would advise me not to rush things and just live my life as it is. Enjoy my life. They're like, "Nanti kalau awak dah kahwin.. dah ada anak, susah nak travel." Indirectly, YOLO. Lol. The best part is, people don't really bother to ask anymore cause they would get the same answer, all the time. Sorry to disappoint you all.

Though at times, I am the one who freaked out cause they never really ask me about it. Like most of my friends' parents are the type that ask those questions. So I thought that my parents are not the typical parents. I don't know if they don't know how to ask or they just know that I have no one around. Lol. But I think they really know me so well that I will only mention it to them when the time comes. So bila tiada means none. In short, we don't talk about it. No conversation like, "Kak, bila nak kahwin?" or "Kak, bila nak bagi ktorg cucu?". Even if I did talk about wedding stuff, they never really ask anything. They would just answer my questions, no extra queries coming from them. Haha

I grew up with their advises not to get a boyfriend until I finished my studies. The type of parents that would say, "Jangan gatal2 nak ada boyfriend! Study habis dulu!" Imagine I couldn't get a boyfriend until I graduated from university. That was crazy and I was not that insane not to get a boyfriend. Lol. Sorry not sorry. My parents were a typical parents that prioritise my studies first over anything. After all I am their firstborn, so they're having super high expectations on me. And cause this is like a taboo topic at home, so I never mentioned anything about boys dekat rumah. Mau kena pancung if I ever talk about it. Well, I never tried. I remember I freaked out when the ex-boyfriend sent me a kad raya. Time sekolah lah giler. Like wtf with gelimat wishes. Lol. Worst, it was my mom that received that freaking kad raya. Lucky me, the ex was smart enough to glue the envelope. So mama never knew.

I remember one time I was talking to someone I've been talking to online via a phone call. Mama might be monitoring me the whole time that she suddenly took my phone and talked to that guy saying not to call me anymore. I was pretty much grounded as my phone was taken away from me for weeks that time. I was using a Nokia 3310 that time. I think it was during lower form. Really no mercy given. I was just a kid and I felt unhappy that I couldn't have a 'normal' life I thought I should have. I mean like a lenient parents, a mother that I could talk about anything. I have none during that time. Cause some of my friends talked about boys with their moms and my closed cousins talked about boys with their moms as well. Pergi dating pon mak hantar. Time tuh it's something I tak boleh brain! Like why couldn't I be like them?! So I talked about it with my friends instead. Yet it depends, cause at times I have no faith into them lol. I mean I cannot trust them with my secrets. This trust issues has been with me ever since. I had this super long crush starting from I was in standard 5 and most of my friends knew about it. And I was really unhappy with it. I was embarrassed. Because it was a one-sided crush. Worst he liked my friend, my good friend. It was heartbreaking.

So many rejections and heartbreaks that made me what am I today. I become emotionless, expressionless as what my girlfriends say, heartless at times as I feel I have put myself in a very thick shell and I pretty much don't really seek for a soulmate. I do but it's like menunggu durian runtuh or something. It has become like not a goal/priority in my life. Girlfriends tried to set me up with someone but to be honest I don't really like the idea. I mean, I don't know. It is just not me. Don't say that I am not trying. Well I think I am but... I just know the outcome, not being negative but I had enough.

Now that I have reach this age of mine, it's getting harder to find the one. You know, The One. I mean, guys are settling down pretty early these days compared to women. And the fact that I am so used of being single for quite sometime make me feel comfortable with my current life. I am free to travel. I am free to do things without the need to tell someone my whereabouts. I don't even tell my parents my whereabouts most of the time. Pity them. I'm sorry. I don't have kids to worry about. My curfew is past midnight. Freedom is a bliss. I am really happy that I am not bombarded by such questions cause I think it would be super tiring and annoying. Like seriously people, why why why? Why can't you let people live their life as they want? Is it bothering you?! It is stressing people out! I do feel sorry for my friends that are stressing out with these questions.

If you say that I am picky, of course I am! I have to! I don't want to rush things, kahwin with someone tangkap muat and end up being a divorcee in months time after being married. Crazy! But I know it's hard to find the one; if I've found one I won't be single like I am now right? Lol And because of that I am pretty much clueless on how do you know that he's The One? Did you feel it? Oh yeah he's The One? And how do you know that you are finally ready to settle down? Or you won't? You just do it?! How? The funny part is, people are actually seek for me when they have love issues. I don't know if I will give them a realistic thoughts or what? Me a total noob is giving people love advises. Well, I gave out my thoughts based on my observations though. And most of the time, my thoughts are harsh. It's easy to advise people but I can never advise myself what to do.  I just don't know. To be exact, I don't know what I want.

Being almost 29 and reaching the 3 series... I somewhat feel uneasy. I don't really bother about what people wanna talk. They can talk all they want. But something inside me is bothering me. Something unsettle. Some of my friends found their soulmate through the dating apps. You name it, Tinder, Baituljannah, whatever else that crossed your mind. I did try but I don't think it's working for me. After all, it's like a massive catalogue for you choose someone that fit your requirements lol. Not sure if I am projecting this thing right but yeah. That's what I think it is. Judging people based from their looks. You got a few matches. It's pretty confusing and hard in Baituljannah cause it's like an Islamic dating app so you're restricted to do things. But you don't simply clicked with the one that you had a match with. You talked and talked but in the end you're not compatible with one another. Worst, you are ghosting one another. I could say it's tiring and boring. It's no fun. It's fun talking to them but like what  a friend said to me if I don't have a definite goal, I won't get what I want. I mean, what do I want from this? To settle down or just to have fun?

That is my problem. Full stop. Thank goodness I'm having super supportive girlfriends that constantly made fun of me being single asking me if I am really into guys? HAHAHAHAHAHAH SORANG SORANG BANGANG! And I love them for being realistic all the time, not to sugar-coating me with things I wanna hear when I got rejected or something. The One will come when it's time. Allah is fair. Just have faith. Maybe my jodoh is around it just our path belum crossed with one another lagi. InsyaAllah soon :)

But am I ready? To settle down?

Yes. Maybe? I don't know.

If someone suddenly proposed me out of nowhere, I really don't know what am I gonna do.

I think I might say yes. Maybe? I don't know.

My girlfriends' prediction is I will end up with someone I just know for few months. It won't be a long relationship before I settle down. Well, we'll see.

Credit: Google.com

A brand new year.

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

It is 6/365.

It is also my 5th day living without my phone.

I am currently phone-less and surviving.

If you saw me watching your stories; it is because I logged in my Instagram in my laptop.

Other apps are totally disconnected.

Email/iMessage is functioning, if you really need to text me :)

Detoxing myself from the social media.

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

Been writing this for days so I really hope it turns out like how I want it to be.

Okay. So I think I should blog about this. I am not sure how to categorize this post but I would say it's kinda personal cause it's like a 'social' experiment towards myself. Alright so early this year, specifically on late March we went to Langkawi; me, Asya and Zureen cause we really need a short weekend getaway during that time. Lol I supposed to blog about that Langkawi trip as well but you know, I am just lazy. We had our special tour guide there who is now an island boy, Ezhar.

So it started when we did the catching up thing with Ezhar, well he's in touch with Asya but not with me and Zureen. Well, we're not that close, not like when we're in school? So yeah, so Ezhar just shut himself off the social media; his Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and last but not least Twitter. And he's thinking to remove Whatsapp as well. This dude is weird, that's what I first thought. He's still active on Youtube but we could not count Youtube as social media right? Cause it's not.

I could not help but to ask why would he do that? To be honest, at this very moment, like months after our talk I've forgotten the details. But what I could remember is that so much negativity in the social media being the cause. People are competing with one another to become famous. Especially kids these days are like thinking that being famous and known are very very important thing to achieve in their whole life. They are not like us back then. They are different. And we get it, we're living in a different era and it's tough being them. Other than that, you should know better on how attached people these days with their phones, well their social media to be exact.

These days where ever you go, people seem to be very into their world, their social media world. If you're lepaking with your friends, what would you do? You would at least check on your phone, I know to avoid the awkwardness or whatever. I know, myself included. But hey, why don't you try to make more conversations. I mean, try to stay away from your phone. Well, I tried. I know it's hard. I even apologize whenever I had to use my phone. You need that quality time with your friends more than talking to them via tweeting, facebooking or whatsapping while you're together? Doesn't make sense right?

What hit me was, the realization by Ezhar that after he quitted social media, you would realize how important you are to people. Do people actually check into you once you're gone? Or do people even realize that you're now not in the social media any longer? That's when you know, who your real friends are. How important you are to your friends? It hurts, really. Don't you hate it how people actually depend so much on the social media updates rather than actually keeping in touch with them? It's annoying. I mean, you saw their updates on their social media accounts and you would think it's enough. But do you really think it's enough?

What's more? Since we (Read: Me, Asya, Zureen & Ezhar) are more towards twitter, liberalism is starting to conquer the timeline? I'm not sure with another platform though. I mean, this is a very sensitive topic and I could be bias. I mean you read stuff but you think you could deal with it but sometimes it got very very nasty. I mean, if it would kacau your iman, it's better to avoid right? Cause things like this, it would affect your iman eventually. I know you would say, how nipis/rendah your iman to be distracted by this? But hey, if you keep on reading stuff and you start to doubt about your faith... that is no good people. We might screw up our faith. This is one of the negativity I've mentioned earlier.

We agreed as during that time (Read: late March 2018), Twitter was not really messed up, yet. Going to be worst, though. I mean things were still under control? People were fighting for that freedom of speech? Yeah, it's good but there are pro's and con's as usual. I don't feel like talking about this matter though. You think about it yourself, okay.

So how was he when he first quitted? He said he felt as if he committed suicide, his online self. Well, this was coming from someone who was heavily attached to his social media life. So it's tough. He started to read Quran again and he kinda gave few tazkirah. Seriously, he is turning into someone new. And it's good. He gave out some thoughts as well and it had me to think really deep on our our lives. Do we really take our lives for granted? Do we really pay attention to our afterlife?

But commit suicide? I really don't get it then. Like really? Was it really that bad? I got curious, damn curious. Dude, we're living in the social media era. We could not live without it. It's true, though. The old me would scroll all my social media accounts, endlessly. I'll start with the boring one, the Facebook, followed by Instagram and lastly my Twitter. I don't do Snapchat. Well, I just went there for the filters though.

Let me emphasize how social media affects my day routine back then. For Facebook, it's like my contact book where it had my families, schoolmates, college mates and colleagues's daily lives updates. Oh and the wedding invitations. At times, I linked my Instagram post to my Facebook. Since my Facebook friends, most of them do not have Instagram. And I am not a person who post things on Facebook. I shared articles though.

Instagram. Where should I start? I am clearly not an insta famous or what not. I consider my account as my personal album. But only my happy moments shared, obviously. Who in the world shared the sad moments there? But the sad part with Instagram you tend to compare your life with someone else's cause their life seems to be perfect. But don't. Really don't. 

Last but not least, Twitter. Oh I super duper loved Twitter. You can tell I am so much a Twitter person. My Twitter is pretty private. It's where I got my latest news, jokes, memes, and where I vent myself out. I mean, you could totally rant about almost anything and nobody gives a damn about it! At times, it felt like my daily diary. Pretty much why I ditched my blog, cause it felt like I told everything off on Twitter. So there's not so much to blog anymore. Sad.

Everything on Twitter is fast, and I liked it. Though you can't really trust anything people post there but well it's way better than Facebook. Comments on Facebook are way much nastier than on Twitter, well back then. I am not sure how it is now. Oh I forgot to tell, when Ezhar first told this story to us, newly to me and Zureen, I right away de-activated my Facebook. Like that instance. So peeps, if you're looking for me on Facebook, sorry I am no longer there. Sorry I might miss anyone's wedding invitations as well.

Why I deactivated Facebook first? Well, cause it's Facebook? Lol. No need to even think? I have nothing attached to it. Up until now, I don't regret it. Not a bit. Am I easily influenced? No, certainly not. I have already thinking to leave my social media back then but I think it would be impossible. Like how would I do that? And why would I do that? Though I always have this idea to disappear? Like vanish?

So which platform to shut off next was kinda tricky for me. I couldn't choose; I loved Twitter so much that I think I could not live without it. I mean c'mon, it's my freaking source of everything. And so much dramas happened there, you know. Twitter was like a source of entertainment, in a way. So I thought I would shut off my Instagram first. But instead, I chose to leave Twitter first. Cause I think I was way addicted to it. So much. So I need to stop. It's contagious.

I am such a coward, I did not deactivate my Twitter account cause I'm afraid I might regret it someday. So I just uninstall the app in my phone. So how was it? I gotta say the first three days was okay? It was pretty a big deal for me. But thank goodness that I was kinda busy that moment so it did not really bother me. I didn't feel lost or anything. But I do feel empty. I mean, I complaint A LOT! So Twitter had been my ranting medium so I had no idea where should I let it out. So the early days of leaving Twitter had me texted my girlfriends either on iMessage or Whatsapp to rant about stuff. LOL. The bright side of leaving Twitter is I tend to calm myself first rather than just sembur all I wanted online. Seriously I am getting more calm these days. And I am not easily mad as before. I still do, mind you but yeah not as bad as before. It's good. Really. You don't really want to mess with my old self before. Seriously.

I don't realize about it until I don't know. Lol but I loved it. Who like to be mad all the time? I mean my emotional is not that stable. I tend to be so grumpy but I am not any longer. And by not being active on Twitter, I am no longer seeing any stupid stuff/dramas there. Oh oh another big thing is, I got to escape SPOILERS! You know I super duper hate spoilers. No spoilers about those new Marvel/DC's movies, GoTs, any korean dramas I am currently watching; ANY KIND OF SPOILERS. I am totally freeeeeee from it.

Now I'm becoming a normal person who does not own any social media, I mean I have no idea what's up with our current world. Don't even ask me on what's happening or what are the viral stuff these days. I really have zero idea about it. No kidding. Whenever people talk about the viral stuff, I'd go krik krik krik and they had explain to me. I don't think I am missing anything. It's good for now. I still have my brother and friends to update me on that lol.

Oh if you're wondering, yes I am keeping my Instagram. And I am happy with it at the moment. I gotta admit that I get bored sometimes but I just have to deal with it, slowly. And I actually manage not to have the other two accounts. I did cheat for Twitter, I mean I logged into it sometimes but I don't have that feeling to re-join.

So now I'm pretty much Netflix and chill. LOL. Well I am not fully detoxing myself but I'm getting there? It just that now I am more sensitive to my surroundings more than before. This is only my personal side story of trying to detox myself from the social medias. I don't feel like I lost myself but I did feel alone, empty for leaving my social media. But I am loving how I am feeling now, it's totally better than before. Especially the grumpy part. Maybe later, I might shut down my Instagram as well. It is just a matter of time :)

Credit: Google

Angau Luar Biasa Ola Bola the Musical

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

So last Saturday, I went to watch one of the best stage I've ever been to; the Ola Bola Musical in Istana Budaya. Because it was really awesome so I thought to blog about it, so I won't forget about it later.

How the idea to watch the theatre suddenly datang secara tiba2? Nope. Well, I've been a fan of the movie itself, one of the best Malaysian movie I must say. So I randomly asked Zureen and Asya whether they were interested? Obviously you could tell that Zureen would not think twice as dia adalah kipas susah mati of Ali. LOL.

So I've checked on the ticket price and what-not so yups. We bought the tickets days after. Oh we bought the night session for the 2nd last day show. Actually I wanted to go the very last show but I could not manage to go out on Sunday. Barai dowh Isnin kerja. Oh well.

So fast forward. It was finally the day. It was our first time in Istana Budaya and I thought that we need to be formal inside there? So I seriously didn't know what to wear but I really didn't want to wear a Kurung. Akak pon just mix and match apa yang akak ada. Leuls. Out of sudden that day, Zureen had to work. She needed to visit some sites. And the second site was Pavilion.

I never liked the idea of driving into KL, I would never passed. So I joined Zureen to Pavilion, killing some time alone when she was working. Mannn, I really had no idea what to do in Pavilion. Not my favourite place to hang out anyway.

Opening sooooooon guys!

While waiting for Zureeeeen....

Zureen was able to leave early so we had our Asar then we left for Istana Budaya. The traffic was okay lah. We arrived there, we managed to park the car. So we roamed inside the Istana Budaya, snapped our pictures at the main backdrop I think? Cause we arrived there around 6? Yela karang ramai pulak orang kan. So we did that first. 

After that we lepak at the surau, waiting for Maghrib. Cause it would be major chaos if we didn't go there awal. And yes, after Maghrib it was really hard to even get out from the surau. Too packed. The surau was not that small but definitely could not cater a one time crowd ramai macam tuh. They should expand it. Just my opinion. Though tak seteruk surau Sepang circuit. Oh well.

Sementara menunggu entrance bukak.

Zureen was thirsty so we bought mineral water for ourselves. But we asked ourselves like Boleh ke bawak masuk nanti? And memang tak boleh guys. Time scan ticket, akak staff tuh cakap botol air tak boleh bawak masuk ye? Dalam bag pon tak boleh. Leuls memang botol air akak dalam bag pon time tuh. We were innocent; Zureen tried to habiskan her air while me minum sikit and left the bottle outside. I had it written something. Konon lah macam ada pulak orang nak amek.

I was speechless seeing our seats. Well we did check how close it would be to the stage but hey we were still surprised that it was ultimately closed to us! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA super duper close weyh! 

We were only 2 rows away from the stage guys!

Oh well, kami suka. We were seated; waiting people to fill in the hall until the MC came out with his team playing drums? Sorry I have no idea what were those. It was fun, he knew how to play with the crowd. So he explained the Do's and Don'ts. He asked us to do the Mexican waves, to chant Malaya after Harimau, to chant Goallllllll and to clap if ever the Ola Bola team scored during any of the matches later. LOL I seriously couldn't wait for the show to start that time.

Like concert, they didn't allow any recording during the show. Akak pon malas nak record, I just wanted to enjoy the show. The show finally started with Iedil Putra as Rahman. The first thing that caught my eyes was; damn tebal giler make up. Serious dowh tebal.

The moment the Harimau Malaya squad came out, I could not hide my excitement. To be honest, I had no idea what I was excited about. Was it Tauke? Was it Ali? Or was it the match itself? Hahahahahaha. Oh well, the show was going tremendously good. You enjoyed every songs they were singing! I NEED THEM IN SPOTIFY PLEASEEEEEE! Oh remember about the heavy make up I told you about? It was not just Iedil Putra’s make up; it’s everyone’s make up! LOL!

Oh I was surprised to see one of the ECX boy on stage, forgot the name though. So dia macam lagi menarik when you spotted familiar faces. To comment everything, I was in completely awe that eveything was so cool! Okaylah part solo adik Tauke and Muthu had me menguap so many times. That people might think I was sobbing during Muthu’s sad solo stage. But I was not! Tapi guys, suara depa sedap giler! Stage bosan tapi I must admit that their voices are superbly sedappppp! Memang suara orang main theatre tuh.

One of the character that caught everyone’s attention; I must say it was Cik Kiah! She was such a sport and so so entertaining! Memang terbaik lahhh! Pelik lah kalau ada sesapa tak suka dia. I guess most of the actors are from dancing background cause almost everyone can dance! Akak memang suka benda2 musical campur menari nari nih. Lagi lah stage jadi meriah and menarik!!

The moment Altimet keluar, dewan menjadi lebih gamat. I bet people were anticipated for his stage. Damn son, I gotta say it was one of the best stage of all. Seronok giler tengok. Sampai akak rasa nak join naik atas stage bahahahahhahaha. Serious best wei! It felt like those kawad competition time sekolah, tengok those awesome formations. That was the feeling. And this one dengan dance routines and the songs memang lagi mengamat rasa. Apa apa pon tuh memang favourite stage akak! Tak kira memang paling meletops!

Nothing much can I say more about the stage. From the very beginning till the end, memang awesome sangat. Lagu sedap. Dance routine awesome and energetic. The backdrops. Omg guys the backdrop stuff untuk the final matches memang terbaik okay! Sis bantai gelak and bantai kagum! If later depa keluar astro First ke astro box office, sila lah beli. Memang tak rugi punyaaaaaaaa!

The show ended. We had 3 football legends with us; Hasan Sani (Ali), James Wong (Eric), and (Abu). Oh I did mention, our DPM was there with his wife? So at the end all of them took photos together with Tiara and the casts. For this totally awesome stage, they deserved the standing ovations from the crowd!

YES, We will believe again.

People started to leave the hall. Meet and greet for those who purchased the merchandises. We were contemplating to buy lol. But Zureen wanted to have a picture with her kesayangan so bad. Well in our mind were like if this was like a kpop event, memang those yang beli merchandises je dapat amek gambar and stuff. So ktorg keluar hall. Pandang sepi je tempat merchandises. Then tempat meet and greet in which tempat sign autoraph mmg betul2 depan main entrance. Depan dia selang satu manusia was a barricade. So ktorg queue depan barricade in which memang dekat nak mampos dengan the casts nanti.

The casts finally keluar and some were recording those who were waiting. And we were in Eric’s insta story BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH MALU GILERRRR! and nak dijadikan cerita, Ali was freaking seated in front of us! APAKAH INI JODOH ZUREEN? BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA serious wei dia punya tahap krik krik krik sebab terlampau dekat tuh barai giler. Again we compared with kpop event, jarak between barricase dgn main star mmg jauh nak mam. Ni bila dekat sangat dia jadi terkejut melampau. And normally we would be like bangang2 cakap melayu depan mamat korea kan yela depa tak faham. Ni kalau nak fangirling ke apa semua depan ni faham haaaaaaa. Malu bhaiii. So kami diam seribu bahasa. Kelu untuk berkata kata. BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Serious barai time tuh.

Look at how close we were!!!!!!!

Dia macam ni awkward dia. We were like avoiding each others contact. Depa pandang ktorg, ktorg pdg tmpt lain. Ktorg pandang depa, depa pandang tmpt lain. LOLOLOLOLOL. Sebab depan giler kan actually boleh je mintak selfie or apa2 tapi sebab dah kejong. Bila meet and greet started and nampak org buat bende2 yang tak terfikir di akal baru cm aha kenapa tak buat awal2 tadi. Tapi sebab menghormati orang2 yang beli merchandises so ktorg buat lek buat pis je tunggu depa settle. Oh ada sorg ni birthday dia so dapat lah semua acts nyanyi untuk dia. Seronok!

Meet and greet ended. Sis memang dah aim nak amek gambar dengan Ali and Ah Chai. Sebab depa the original casts. Tbh nak amek gambar dengan semua, tapi screw my over segan ness. So end up xde gambar dengan yang lain. Sebab depa semua tetibe hilang at once. Ali pon mcm kebetulan stay sebab budak before ktorrg macam dah kinda chop dia nak amek gambar. So kami tumpang sekaki. Susah nak dpt Ali ni so I grabbed Ah Chai first. Whenever dengan bukan melayu, akak tak segan sangat. Thats why akak mampu posing kungfu dgn Ah Chai hehehehehhe. Dengan Ali akak segan balik. Hahahahahhaha

Kungfu, Ah Chai and I.

Sama tak muka kami? BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Motif sangat tulis camtuh dekat botol air

Amboi amboi amboi amboiiii Sarjan Ahmad senyum guys!

Then both me and Zureen happy giler lah hajat di hati sudah dapat. The wait mmg paid off. Time tuh tinggal Altimet sorang dekat luar. Tengah sembang dgn kwn dia kot. I thought its not right to butt into their conversation so we waited. Lepas dia habis borak baru ktorg amek gambar. So amboi amboi amboi amboiiii guys! Yeayyyyyyyy tak sia2 tunggu guysssss! Worst, angau Zureen dah berjangkit dekat akak. Barai entah kenapa angau sekali! BAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

Sekian kisah Ola Bola Musical tulus ikhlas dari saya. Akak bagi 10 bintang bercahaya! Memang #luarbiasa

"Kita menang sama-sama, kita kalah sama-sama!" - Ali

"Walaupun saya hanya satu skru yang kecil, tapi saya juga nak jadi skru yang bermakna!" - Ah Chai

Jalan Jalan South Korea: The 'almost' Goblin trip *Part 2*

السلام عليكم & 안영 to all ♥♥

Second day.

This gotta be the highlight of our trip. Well this is like the main purpose of this trip. Cause we wanted to go to this place, very bad. Obviously because of Goblin.

Credit: star.naver.com

FYI, the location for the above scene is called Jumunjin Breakwater and it is located in Gangneung (Gangwon Province). Kegigihan yang padu diperlukan ketika study nak pergi tempat ini. Bukan apa, it is 3-hours away from Seoul ya buat pengetahuan semua. So it's like, should we stay a night there or we could just do a day trip? Originally, I've booked a room there but then macam rugi to spend a night there cause we didn't have much time in Seoul anyway.

Bila study blog orang, most of them were like taking an express bus from Seoul to Gangneung which would take 3 hours ++. The price was okay though and their express bus looks superbly awesome. We thought to take the VIP bus in which could fit only 19 pax. So we assumed it could be the small bus. When we googled it, memang macam VIP lah siap ada monitor screen TV depan seat masing2 lol.

Since perjalanan jauh, we tried to estimate how long would we be there and stuff. Since it took hours to get there, takkan lah nak spend only 1 hour or 2 hours je kan? Giler membazir. Based on Google Maps, macam jauh jugak Gangneung town to the beach via the city bus; 1 hour and a half. Like whoa. So macam serabut estimate time so tak balik Seoul lambat sangat. And VIP bus tuh ada certain time sahaja.

So mula2, macam dah confirmed nak naik from which time, balik on what time, sekali nak try book dekat website dia tak boleh. Biasalah limited access untuk foreigner. Sigh. so macam dah tak tentu arah sebab takut ticket sold out. Well, tak suka last minute. Biar settle awal2 so nanti dekat sana tak serabut ye dop?

So since tak boleh proceed beli, try lah cari alternative lain. I mean takkan lah takde medium transportation lain selain express bus? So I tried Google, and then BAMMM. Cause before this I relied on people's blog on the direction and stuff. I never really check from scratch. Bila Google je, terus keluar articles pasal new KTX route direct to Gangneung. And memang baru start operate last December. Sebab depa nak cater Winter Olympic Pyeongchang 2018. So macam wow menarik! Checked ticket price, tak banyak beza dengan express bus and dapat kurangkan sejam. It took only 2 hours from Seoul to Gangneung. So lagilah akak suka. Dah lah dapat naik KTX!

Lepas akak buat research, info akan di pass ke Didi untuk buat transactions. BAHAHAHA. Lastly we decided to go there by KTX and coming back to Seoul by express bus. Didi helped to purchase the KTX ticket and we got cheaper rate for 8.01AM train. Bapak awal but we needed to start early pon.

KTX Seoul to Gangneung: KRW27,600.00

Remember what happened yesterday? After we went back to hostel after the taxi's incident, memang flat habis. We were afraid that we might terbabas keesokkan harinya, the everyday routine would be Didi mandi malam and me mandi pagi. LOLOLOLOL. To save time ya guys. Minah minah nak bersiap lama ya. So after akak habis mandi keesokkan paginya siap2 semua cause mcm rasa awal lagi kesian nak kejut Didi. I lupa I mekap sekejap je. LOL. Akak ni pakai BB Cushion je, takde nak tepek itu ini. So dalam 15 minutes before 7, kejut lah minah sorang nih. Should be dah cukup lah tidurnya. HAHA. We planned to go out at 7AM ya. Dalam kepala akak sebab dia dah mandi, so I assumed 15 minutes would be enough. I was wrong. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Akak cuba wat lek wat pis okay. Nampak tak cuba nak senyum tuh LOL

Please take note that our train will depart at 8.01AM and we freaking left our hostel at 7.30AM. Holy cow. God knows how anxious I was that time. Lucky Seoul Station is just 2 stations away. Tapi kalau dah lambat, sure ada je la benda tak kena. You know kan how subway dekat Korea tak semua tempat ada escalator, dah macam amazing race wei berlari naik atas. Entah kenapa exit to KTX pergi keluar Seoul Station dekat entrance dia instead of keluar dalam station je. Entahlah tak tau lah kalau ada exit lain, dah lambat kan so tak sempat lah nak godek2 exit lain. Itu lah akak benci lambat2 sebab akak benci nak buat explorace ke amazing race nih.

Paling tak kelakar bila keluar exit 14 tuh, keluar2 terus jalan raya nampak pakcik2 tengah mabuk. KEJADAH?! Akak memang rasa nak jerit nangis semua. Tak kelakar langsung okay. Oh time tuh dah 7.45AM kot. Giler kau, ktorg tak redeem ticket lagi. FYI, once you've booked KTX ticket; you need to redeem the actual ticket dekat station. Sigh. Kan dah berlari naik tadi, sebab tak nampak KTX ke Seoul Station, ktorg berlari ke bawah masuk balik tengok betul ke? Then what we did? Ktorg berlari keluar balik. Sumpah macam bangang time tuh. Kte dah macam habislah tertinggal train. So we walked and BAMMM we saw Seoul Station. Again, tangga yang banyak lagi dekat entrance Seoul Station. Berlari naik tangga lagi gais. Sesungguhnya akak benci. LOL

Masuk2 memang terus nampak counter KTX, so Didi lari pergi redeem ticket. Masa tuh memang rasa masa berjalan laju. Macam nak pecah rasa debar dia. Boleh pulak semua counte occupied. Fuh lagilah stress. Finally satu counter dah free. It was fast to redeem and departure gate memang dekat sebelah sahaja. Well, berterusan berlarian. Barai.

Look at the redeem time; 7.51AM. Exactly 10 minutes before departure.

Relief dia Ya Allah bila dah duduk dekat seat, hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tau. Baru akak boleh bercakap dengan tenangnya. Kalau tak akak memang macam naga lah kot? Idk, you need to ask Didi how was I, LOL. Sorry, I really could not hide my bitchy mode face.

I calmed myself down and had our breakfast. Biskut tiger dan banana milk~! Ahjumma ahjumma depan ktorang memang sangat rancak berborak sampai ada lah terdengar depa dok mention dokkaebi dokkaebi. Nak ikut ktorang lah tuh.

Ada tempat charge handphone dekat bus stop luar main building! Akak kagum!

Dengan confidentnya akak salah tengok nombor bus. We took a wrong bus. My bad. Bila dah almost half way baru turun sebab tak reti nak turun bus. You know how laju and scary Korean bus is. Tapi seronok naik. Ktorg ikut ahjumma ni turun dekat one station. Then sebab barai nak patah balik ktorg redha naik taxi. Tapi nak dapat taxi pon susah bhai.

My Korean is very limited, I might understand them but I could not reply back. I will reply in English even though I understood what they were talking. So after a while, we managed to get a taxi. Akak dah prepare in written form nak pergi mana2 in case dia tak dapat catch up apa ktorg cakap.

D&D: Jumunjin Beach?

Taxi Ahjussi: Eodi-gaseyo?

D&D: Jumunjin Beach? *Tried to speak in Korean dialect but failed*

Taxi Ahjussi: *Blank*

Genius Didi: Dokkaebi?

Taxi Ahjussi: Ahhhhhh Dokkaebi!

Then we're off to Jumunjin Breakwater. Just mention Dokkaebi guys, takyah susah2 nak cakap Jumunjin Breakwater ke Beach ke whatever. Mudah dan senang. Tak payah pening kepala. Tapi jangan sebut Goblin pulak. Depa tak kenal punya.

Ahjussi tuh bila dah nak sampai dia macam start borak. Sebab ktorg tanya senang ke dapat bus or taxi dekat situ. Dia kata susah, so macam dia okay kalau nak tunggu. Tapi setakat 30 minit. Memang tak lah. Jauh2 ktorg datang nak stay 30 minit je. Sebab akak campor2 guna English dengan Korean, dia macam tanya tau cakap Korea ke? Akak baru cakap "Jogeum-yo..." then dia terus replied in Korean yang sangat laju. Sobs ahjussi, akak jawab akak tau sikit je. And I tried hard not to use Banmal with them. Kadang2 lupa kot nak letak -yo at the end -.-"

Then ktorg cakap tak yah tunggu dekat ahjussi tuh. Yela nak betul2 utilise time dengan Kim Shin kot. Ada banyak okay korang. Kalau nak feeling betul2, sila cari the correct one. Yang betul ada banner Goblin dekat situ. And semua mmg queue dia boleh tahan panjang. But no worries, laju je bergerak. Orang dia tak selfish. Dia memang ingat ramai orang yang tengah beratur tuh.

Excited noks!

Sebab macam nak menikmati suasana dan malas nak beratur lagi, ktorg pergi site lain dulu. Feeling2 amek gambar solo dulu. LOL

Didi cakap depa tengah bercumbu, tuh dia tutup -.-"

Selepas rasa macam dah cukup feeling2 amek gambar, we went back to the original shooting place. Queued like everyone else.

As per other blog, they rent the flower/scarf at KRW1,000

As our turn was approaching, the couple in front of us asked us to snap their pictures. Nervous dowh orang suruh amek gambar ni sebenarnya. Yela mana tau tak berkenan kan? So akak tolong lah snap je as many gambar yang boleh. At least depa boleh main pilih2 kan nanti. Sweet lah kan datang sini dengan pasangan masing2. Baru feeling dia kena kan? LOL.

Then they offered to help us to snap our pictures. Kami pon tidak menolak. HAHAHA. Orang dah nak tolong kan. If you asked me, memang boleh bawak camera stand tapi angin dia memang tak kelakar kuat dia. Takut tak stable and melayang la stand korang. Worst dengan camera2 sekali barai. Akak bila ramai orang belakang queue, dia macam tak tentu arah nak amek gambar. Lucky I had my shades on, so tak la barai sangat.

'Ji Eun Tak' in most red attires met 'Dokkaebi' bam bam pendek. LOL

Habis sahaja bercengkerama, we realized that we were super starving. Excited sangat nak jumpa 'dokkaebi' kan, dia sampai lupa tak makan lagi. Yela setakat biskut dengan banana milk je tadi. So we walked and walked and walked towards the first junction of this beach. Adalah nak 1 km lebih -.-" Cause masa dalam taxi tadi, we both memang dah usha ada coffee shop semua. So macam nak menuju ke arah cafe shop tuh. Mak aih jauh. Sebab angin dia ganas kan so macam cepatlah sampai wei. On our way there, terserempak dengan orang tengah bagi makan burung. Burung apa tak tau tapi depa memang terbang rendah lah and akak memang rasa depa dekat sangat dengan akak. Takut.

Ada satu time tuh burung-burung tuh macam buat formation pulak. Smart habis tapi I failed to record it. Sebab macam terkejut and amazed. LOL. Habis terpukau dengan burung burung tuh, we continued our journey to the cafe shop yang masih jauh. HAHA

Sampai coffee shop dia takde makanan berat, ada pastries sahaja. Akak kecewa. Lapar noks. 

I felt 10 years younger guna apps Didi nih LOL

We still had so much time before our balik time. Time tuh macam menyesal pulak beli ticket awal2. Yela takut habis or any other possibilities kan. So we took our sweet time dekat cafe tuh. Upload gambar, update stories and what not. LOL. 

Akak dah start berangin sebab tak makan proper food. This trip was like my first trip yang I cannot tahan if tak makan. So I had to buy Coke to ease my angin. Yeah people I depend on Coke to make me burp. Bad I know. Jangan tiru aksi saya. After entah berapa lama dekat cafe itu, kami made our way out. Nak naik taxi je sebab malas nak fikir banyak. Akak masih berangin. We were lucky, sampai dua taxi stop nak amek ktorg. LOL. We both ended sleeping inside the taxi. LOL penat sangat ke? Oh it took only 30 minutes macam tuh je naik taxi. Kalau bus lama sbb ada byk stop kan.

Inside the terminal ada Lotteria, so we decided to buy the shrimp burger sebab lapar sangat cannot tahan. Perjalanan pulang lama dek non. Oh ini first time makan Lotteria jugak sebab selama ni akak macam was was. Tapi kali ini tidak. Akak confident. It was really good, the shrimp burger.

We waited for our departure time. Penat dah lepak dalam Lotteria tuh. Akhirnya boarding time tiba. Gate dekat floor bawah. So cari the correct gate and keluar memang terus dah ada bus. Tapi sebab takde orang, ktorg tunggu ada sorang nenek nih naik  dulu, tengok how to naik bus? So that nenek scanned her barcode on her bus ticket and dia naik menuju ke seat dia. I was deeply amazed guys. Naik bus awesome giler scan barcode je! Tak sempat nak record jugak sebab amazed kaw kaw. HAHAHA. 

Heater bus macam normal je. So tak bukak coat sebab macam sejuk. Oh akak masih berangin. And the fact that 'bau' Korea kuat giler dalam bus tuh I had to put on my mask the whole time. Kalau tak akak memang dah barai muntah lah wei. Pening giler!

Lama nak mam wei. Rasanya macam jammed jugak. So macam terasa sangat lama nak sampai Seoul. Akak berapa kali repeat tidur. Sebab bila terjaga memang kte rasa nak muntah. Bus ada stop sekali dekat rest area dia. Tak turun sebab takut sesat. HAHAHHA

Nak dekat pukul 9 baru sampai Seoul. Oh Seoul how I missed you so much! We didn't go anywhere for dinner as we decided to have maggi that night. Plus dah barai okay dia punya mind dah nak terus tidur je. And I was feeling not very well. Oh Didi helped to beli ubat dekat farmasi. Segala term ubat keluar. Leuls. So esoknya buat apa? Ktorg nak pergi main ski XD